Well, folks it’s not even noon yet and the tears for day 1 have arrived. Nothing too wet or messy, just a couple stress-induced tears after finishing an exam for school. You see, while I am now and always have been a cry baby; I have not always been the best student. High school and college were, for me, much more about boyfriends, shopping, and drama than they ever were about learning and grades. Which may sound weird coming from a future teacher, but I believe that to be the very reason I will make a good teacher. I get it. I get that students have a whole lot of stuff going on in their big, all consuming teenage world and coming to spend 90 minutes with me and To Kill a Mockingbird isn’t exactly top on their list of important things for the day. But I also understand how important my graduate studies are in preparing me for this new career and I have surprised myself by becoming a serious and dedicated student. All of the sudden, I want to learn and I see the value in my assignments and I TRY, which leads me to today’s crying episode. I think I got a B on my final exam, y’all. It was hard. It took me two and half hours. And now I’m tired. And nothing it more disappointing than putting in all that time and feeling so dedicated to something and then feeling like you didn’t so well. And I know- it’s a B. I would have NEVER cried over a B in high school or college. I would have felt lucky and wondered how I managed a B. Maybe the difference is in the fact I understand my purpose for this educational endeavor. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not going to get grounded for a bad grade, I’m not going to see disappointment in the eyes of my parents, it’s that I’ll see disappointment in my own eyes. And that is hard to deal with.
Or maybe I’m just on the last day of my period and my husband left me for the NCAA games and I had too much champagne last night with my friends.
And maybe, just maybe, I got an A after all! I’ll keep ya posted.
You write very well.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I know the feeling of a grade being more than a grade. I went to Mary Baldwin after I had my baby and I too took my grades much more seriously after a change in my life. I would sit in class with these spoiled girls who would complain that they didn't study because they were too hung over and I had been up all night with a sleepless baby in my arms. So my A's that I earned felt like small victories. I ended up graduating on the dean's list. If I had not had my daughter, I probably would not have had the drive to accopmlish what I did. : ) Hugs Beth Shifflett