sometimes you just have to lie

A marriage is based on trust, I know. And I believe in being honest with Josh, communicating with him, being open. But we’ve come to realize, sometimes honesty is not the best policy in our marriage. So we’ve established TWO (and only two!) occasions when it is perfectly acceptable to lie to one another.

#1) A bad haircut. When it’s over and done with and there is nothing we can do except wait for the hair to grow back- we LIE. I tell him he looks great. He tells me I have the face to pull it off. And when six weeks passes and we’ve gained an inch or so back, we tell each other that even though the haircut “didn’t look baaaaad”, we like the other with a little more length.

Hair is a big deal in our household (I’m looking at you JBIgs).

#2) Phone calls. We both kinda hate the phone. I’ve traveled a lot and I know how it is to be away and in a different time zone and so busy, but feeling obligated to call home. I get it.

On the other hand, I’m extremely needy. I require lots of attention, especially from my man. Like seriously. (When I read The Five Languages of Love it was glaringly obvious I speak all five. Need-EEEE). Anyway, the shoe is on the other foot now and Josh is off traveling for work while I stay home alone and eat a can of sour cream & onion Pringles for dinner and watch American Idol. Throughout all this traveling, we’ve learned sometimes we both just have to lie when it comes to calling one another. As in-

“Josh, it’s okay if you can’t call me tonight. Just go and enjoy dinner with your friends and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

But I’m lying. It’s not okay. I hate going to bed without hearing my husband tell me he loves me. I want to hear about his day and tell him I miss him and have his voice be the last thing I hear before falling asleep. I want him to CALL ME!

But I consider it part of the Marriage Sacrifice. It ranks right up there with decorating my house with Citadel pictures and watching sports. I’ve learned to figure it out. I hang anything Citadel in the guest room. I read during all televised sporting events.  I lie when he asks me if it’s okay to talk in the morning.

 The thing is, he always calls. Even when I lie.

That boy knows me too well.

My Reading Life

So, I’ve decided in 2012 I will try to become a more private person. More introspective. To mull over options, choices, ramifications, and possibilities. To think before I act…and blab. To keep the things I hold dearest a little more personal. In keeping with that resolution, I’ve decided it’s time to change this little blog of mine again. To head in a different direction. I am going to start blogging about my reading life. Pat Conroy, my absolute favorite author of all time, wrote a book titled My Reading Life and I LOVED it. So I'm stealing his idea. Plus, I read A LOT. So I figure I'll have plenty to say. Still personal, but I think it supports my resolution quite nicely.
I’m a HUGE lover of books. I read anything and everything and I like them all. Non-fiction is so inspiring. So exciting. I love to read something true, to be affected by it, to know this thing or person or event really happened and changed something in some way, changes me in many cases. Fiction is even better. To me, it all seems so….possible. Even the impossible.
I always read the last word first. Always.  
So, here is my 2012 Reading Life so far: I started with Stephen King’s 11/22/63. As a lover of both fiction and non-fiction, nothing could please me more than when they both collide on the same page. All 900 pages were incredibly imaginative and accurate. I LOVED every word and finished it in 2.5 days. Historical fiction amazes me anyway. The research it requires!! So impressive.
Next I read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. This book is so quirky and smart and heartbreaking and uplifting. Jonathan Safran Foer, the author, is Extremely Witty and Incredibly Talented. I love his style and cannot wait to read Everything is Illuminated later this week. I have a feeling the movie is going to be good, but in a totally different way.  The book is just weird. In a deliciously intelligent, inventive way. I have a feeling the movie may be watered down.

And this brings us to Born to Run. This is a non-fiction book written by Christopher McDougall. My dad gave it to me for Christmas and when I opened it I thought…hmmm, interesting. At the very least I expected it to reinvigorate my running workouts. But I wasn’t DYING to pick it up and read it right away. Today I did pick it up and have quickly decided it may actually be THE most interesting book I’ve ever read!! I’m only 20 pages in, but I’m already hooked. I followed Josh around the house this morning reading aloud and discussing the interesting-ness of it all. I can’t wait to finish it.

I’ll let ya know how it goes!

Rubies

I started reading Extremely Loud and Incredible Close today. I knew it would make me cry before I even began. But I didn't know I would fall in love with it so quickly. I love every quirky line so far. Especially this part:


"When I was your age, my grandfather bought me a ruby bracelet. It was too big for me and would slide up and down my arm. It was almost a necklace. He later told me that he had asked the jeweler to make it that way. Its size was supposed to be a symbol of his love. More rubies, more love. But I could not wear it comfortably. I could not wear it at all. So here is the point of everything I have been trying to say. If I were to give you a bracelet, now, I would measure your wrist twice."

Game Changer

So I really didn’t think I’d be blogging again until after the Holidays, but I’m pretty sure my b.f. Flynn just changed my life.

Let me backtrack for a moment.

 I’ve realized in recent months that I can come across a little…self-involved when I blog. I always seem to be talking about how blessed I am, how amazing my husband is, my family is, my friends are, and on and on and on. I definitely do not mean to be gloating when I say these things, but it may very well seem like I am. I do not want to come across this way.

The thing is I have never really had anything bad happen to me. Truly bad. I have, however, been witness to some of the most important people in my life experiencing deep sorrow and tragedy. And while I ache for loved ones when they are going through difficult times, I have never had to directly experience real heartache. And that is where I believe my compulsion to shout my blessings from every rooftop was born. I feel this need to express my gratitude and acknowledge my blessings because I think I’ll lose them otherwise.

I’ve known this about myself for a long time. I just wasn’t sure how to stop it.

And then, I’m sitting on the porch yesterday, watching the rain fall & chatting with Flynn when all the sudden she says: “Keri, your life is pretty great right now. Maybe it’s your opportunity to really nurture the people around you. To be a nurturer for the people in your life.”

And the rain stopped and the heavens parted and I saw the light.

What Flynn so simply stated instantly changed my perspective. It allowed me, right then & there, to begin to own my happiness. To stop treating it as this fragile thing that must be exclaimed and fussed over in order to survive. That instead of being so afraid of losing  my happiness, I should be afraid of squandering it.

My little Flynnie, so profound sometimes!

So here's to 2012! A year I hope is full of happiness, but more importantly, a year full of opportunities to use that happiness in meaningful ways.

Merry Christmas y’all!

My Christmas Card List

So, this Christmas Season has been a little different in the Metje/Billig household.
 

I didn’t put up a tree this year. When I announced my decision to skip on the decorating I thought Josh was going to either check me in to the ER or the Psych ward.  

I didn’t shop. Usually I LOVE going to a busy mall at Christmas- the people, the music, the line for Santa.  But, I was in a car accident last week. So I had to drive this really big and really ugly rental car. I basically tried to avoid driving all together and did a lot of my shopping on-line. My rental, my driving anxiety, and Atlanta parking kept me home.

And I didn’t go to one single Christmas party. I found out after I booked my flight home, I’d be missing THREE Christmas parties down in Atlanta. No party dresses, no $10 and under gifts, no peppermint or cinnamon rimmed drinks. Sad!

And so, I found myself seriously lacking in Christmas cheer...until I sat down and started my Christmas cards the other day. I love writing Christmas cards. I turn it into a whole production with spread sheets and color coding and assembly lines. It’s fun for me. But the best part is looking over my Christmas Card List. Reflecting on all the names that makeup that list and how they are significant to me, to Josh, to US.

Most of the people on my list I’ve known for 20 years or so. It includes the boy I held hands with in 3^rd grade and the boy I was cruel to in 8^th. It includes the girl I stole my parents’ car with the summer before 9^th grade and the girl who told on me to my parents. On that list are three friends expecting babies and two new mothers. I addressed the card to my best friend and her fiancé for the very last time, next year’s card will read Mr. & Mrs. Five more friends will tie the knot next year.

There are the boys who helped Josh survive Knob year, the boys he got into trouble with in high school, and all his family members who are now mine. Cards were sent to the Carolinas, California, Missouri, and Tennessee. People we’ve worked with, laughed with, fought with, and grown up with. That list is like a roll call for those who have made our lives full and happy.

I hope your Christmas Card List is long this year & your Christmas Season full of love!

Thank you for reading this little blog of mine. I’ll catch ya in 2012.

XOXO

Grace Under Fire

Most of my blog posts are about one of four things: my husband, my family, my friends, or reality T.V. This post is no different. Today I’m gonna tell you a little bit about my best friend Flynn.

 Flynn & I have known each other for 19 years. For the first three of those years, Flynn hated me. I have no idea how we turned a corner and became so close, but we did. And we have been since.

 Flynn & I are opposites. She is private and carefree and artsy. She holds her cards close to her chest, she doesn’t really stress over the details, she takes vitamins, and she doesn’t watch T.V.

 She hardly ever shops, she works multiple jobs, she’s adventurous, and she “doesn’t like sweets”.

 Like I said, opp.o.sites!

 Do any of you remember the show from the 90’s, Grace Under Fire? I think it was about some woman named Grace and all her daily hardships. I can’t really remember. But while I was down in Florida visiting Flynn last week that show popped into my mind. I decided if Flynn had a reality show right now it would be called Grace Under Fire. Flynn is going through an incredibly difficult time right now. If I were in her shoes, I would be a crumpled mess on the floor or a binge drinker or both. But not my Flynnie. She is the picture of grace under fire. She takes it all in stride, she talks it out, she doesn’t allow her sadness to take away her happiness.

 She’s an inspiration.

 Every time I talk to Flynn she says “I’m just lucky I get to _____”. Fill in the blank. In the midst of all this stress and heartache Flynn never stops feeling grateful. She never takes anything for granted. And she hardly ever cries about things. She does what needs to be done and most of the time she does it with a smile on her face.

 Grace.

 She is full of it. It is beautiful to witness.

Friday

You know what I love about Fridays? Besides the prerequisite weekend stuff of course. I love thinking about all the girls getting married tomorrow. I love to think about all the guys and all the gals that are right on the precipice of marriage. How exciting that night was for me. I felt on top of the world. I felt so loved, not just by Josh, but by every single person that made the trip to Charleston for the weekend. How they all gushed over us and clapped every time we walked into a room and laughed and danced and celebrated.

It was such an occasion.

And I just get so darn excited for anyone and everyone about to experience the same. This is what I want to tell the brides and grooms of the world on the Friday before their wedding:

This weekend, this much anticipated fancy affair called a wedding has NOTHING on an actual marriage. Yes, it means special lighting and sappy toasts and the Electric Slide, but it’s the marriage part that’s truly an event. It may be more sweat pants than wedding dress and more Bud Light than Champagne, but it’s also more tender, more intimate, and, if you can believe it, more special than this one single day will ever be.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t enjoy your wedding. Celebrate it! Obsess over it!  Agonize over the perfect shade of coral! But be sure to realize this is only the beginning. You are starting off the most precious journey with a bang. If you think you are happy now…just wait.

It gets so much better.

Best wishes to all the brides and grooms out there. As my father said the night my brother got married: “May your wedding day be the worst day of your marriage.”