All growed up!

So I’ve been super obsessed with Taylor Swift’s album for the last few months. Hopefully, my new ATL neighbors are getting used to seeing me belting out her songs in my car. My particular faves are Mean and Long Live. There is just one song on the whole album I don’t really like called Never Grow Up.  Here is a sample of the lyrics:

“Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up

Don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little.

Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up

Don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple.

Won’t let nobody hurt you.

Won’t let no one break your heart.

And even though you want to, please try to never grow up”

Maybe this is offending my one-day-away-from-turning-thirty-years-old feelings, but I just don’t like this song. I am kinda digging this whole growing up thing. I’ve been thinking about it a lot as my 30^th birthday approaches. Yes, I guess childhood is simpler, easier, more innocent, but I think there is real beauty in the wisdom that comes with age.  As a child you live life in the moment, you don’t stop to relish, remember, or appreciate. It may be true that with age comes much responsibility and worry, but I think the trade off is worth it.  

 As a child, I’m sure my father took me out for an ice cream every once and awhile. I’m sure I gobbled up that ice cream and made a mess and enjoyed myself, but I'm just guessing because I don't actually recall ever doing this with my dad. A few weeks ago when my parents were visiting, my dad & I went out for ice cream. Just the two of us. (On a side note, my precious husband stayed home and watched reality tv with my mother. Swoon). And yes, while it’s true that as an adult I did count the calories I was ingesting that night, I also soaked up the entire time with my dad. I appreciated it. I was thankful for it. As a grown up, I understand how lucky I am. And I'm smart enough to cherish it.

 So Tay Tay, even though I love you girl, I’m gonna have to disagree with you. I’m glad life isn’t simple any more. I’m thankful I’ve been hurt and had my heart broken and that I’m in the midst of growing up.

 And while I wish words like cable bill, wrinkle cream, and SPANX were not in my vocabulary, I am certainly thankful my life is full of words like family, friendship, faith, and love.  

 I’m a lucky girl indeed. A lucky, grown up girl.

my perfect day

This is how I know I will spend forever with Josh:

We just spent the last five days in Charleston and had a PERFECT trip.

We spent 8 hours a day on the beach

We ate tons of seafood and went out on the town each night

We visited all the sentimental spots from our wedding week, like Crosby’s, our rehearsal dinner location

And The Summerall Chapel, where we said our vows

And The Francis Marion, where we held our reception.

And we didn’t even try to keep our hands off each other. PDA galore!  

On our last night there we listed three things we love most about our marriage and exchanged them with one another. I cried and Josh laughed and I just knew I was the happiest girl in the world at that moment.

Then we came home. It was rainy and there were tornado warnings (like seriously- sirens were going off in our neighborhood!) and there were four heaps of laundry staring at me.

It was my favorite day of the vacation.

Our house was kind of dark and cozy because of the weather. I had a pot of homemade soup on the stove and we spent the entire afternoon on the couch together. I read a really good book and Josh squeezed my leg or hand or whichever body part I had draped over him at the moment and whispered “God, I love my wife” about every five minutes.

 Any day spent with Josh is a perfect day, whether it’s a sun-filled one spent at the prettiest place on earth or a rainy one on our couch. Life with Josh is perfect. Even when it’s not.

Things I've learned in Year Two

After two years of marriage I am certain of one thing- time flies. Like really flies. Josh & I just got home from celebrating our anniversary in Charleston-, where we met, fell in love (actually fell in love, fell out of love, then fell back into love) and got married. We were both giddy over this trip and this time together.

For each anniversary, I make Josh a photo book of our past year together. I started this before we got married, so this weekend I wrapped our fourth book. Fourth. I know one day we’ll be celebrating our fortieth anniversary and two years or four years will feel like a drop in the bucket, but I am proud of what we’ve done together in our short time as husband and wife. I’ve learned so much:

Like how sometimes it is easier to just do the dishes myself because I’m the only one that can do them “right”.

Or, even though it is the hardest thing EVER, sometimes I need to just shut my mouth.

That Josh’s hugs can cure almost anything that ails me.

That I yell when I’m angry and I need to learn to turn the volume down a notch.

I’ve learned Josh bites his nails and it drives me crazy and I’m going to nag him til he stops!

I’ve learned to buy the Half Caff coffee and dump it in his regular coffee container so he doesn’t notice, but now he sleeps better at night.

I’ve also learned to shop and cook for two.

And what kind of aftershave Josh prefers.

And that I love his friends.

And that now, after already knowing how true love feels, I understand true commitment.

I never understood why people called their husbands/wives/significant others their ‘partners’. I never really liked the sound of that. But now I get it. A partner is defined as “a person who takes part in an undertaking with another” and Josh is definitely that. He is part of all my undertakings- from grocery shopping to life decisions to daydreams. He’s as steady as rock, my husband. And I know we have many more years and much to learn together.

I can’t wait!!!  

"Love actually is all around"

This is a quote from my all-time favorite movie ever- Love Actually. The full quote is: "Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

I love this. It makes me cry every time I read it, hear it, think about it. Except yesterday- when I dropped my parents off at the airport. I thought I wasn't going to cry because I get to see them in about 4 weeks, but I cried anyway. Just a little. Then a lot. I felt so sad to drive away from them. Just five days earlier I had driven this same drive with my parents in tow- excited chatter filling my car. And now I was alone and they were heading back to Virginia. Sad.

But then I thought about this quote. Because of the airport connection of course, but also for inspiration. I've been promising myself recently that I would work to stay positive during my blue moments. I have a habit of wallowing, so I tried to think about this quote for the rest of the afternoon to push myself. To push myself to cheer up. To push myself to not go home and cry into my pillow. To push myself to see the love all around me… even when I am blue.

And it worked! Instead of going home and moping (like I normally would have) I ran some errands, stopped by to see a friend (and her little dog: a major pick-me-up in fur) and went for a run. I started to cheer up as I kept busy and looked for love all around me... I didn't have to look hard.

Day 142

On Sunday, I put all my books aside to do one of my favorite things- read my new Southern Living. This is a recent favorite past time, as my mother just gifted me the magazine about a year ago. My grandmother gifted her the magazine when she married my dad and I remember them fanned out on our sunroom coffee table as a child. I had no interest in these magazines when I was younger. They seemed boring and mom-ish. I guess that’s why I love reading it now. I feel so domesticated. I cherish those Sunday evenings when dinner is cooking in the oven and I’m curled up with my sweat pants on and my husband next to me, reading about the perfect whipped potatoes or pound cake.

One of my favorite writers for SL is Rick Braggs. He is the only other writer that I would come close to comparing to Pat Conroy. He can reduce me to tears with a simple story about rebuilding a car with his son or a road trip with his Aunts. He’s heartfelt and sentimental and quintessentially Southern. So imagine what a wreck I was on Sunday when I snuggled up to read my new magazine and the issue was dedicated to the victims of the tornadoes in Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Joplin. And the article was by none other than Mr. Braggs. Josh got another earful, but had to go and get tissues while I read aloud.

I’m ordering all of his books tomorrow. I’m also making that Lemon Pie on the cover.

Day 141

I pretty much read a book a day. Not every day, but most days. Especially when it is summer and I’m unemployed and I have a kick ass porch to chill on. Every now and then I get kind of ADD about books and I start reading like three or four at a time. This is one of those kinds of weeks. I had Pat Conroy’s new book, My Reading Life, at home, but I also had a B&N gift card burning a hole in my pocket. So I went shopping.  I picked up a book I hadn’t heard of yet called The Happiness Project. I thought it sounded like the kind of pick-me-up I needed in the middle of my unemployment funk. I also got Dorthea Benton Frank’s new book about Folly Beach and one of Jennifer Weiner’s paperbacks.  

On Saturday Josh & I drove up to Greenville to visit his family. I drove him crazy the entire trip reading excerpts from Pat’s book. His writing is so achingly beautiful. I am both extremely jealous and in awe of his memory and vocabulary. I can’t help but cry when I read anything he writes and I always feel the need to read his words out loud. Josh was a good sport, turning down NPR every time I wanted to read him a line about Pat’s old English teacher, or how many times he’s read Gone with the Wind, or how books saved his life during Hell Week at The Citadel. He also pretended not to notice my tears.

Days 136-140

Ugh. Last week was a rough one y’all. My job search in Atlanta is not going so well. Even though I know it’s a down economy and I haven’t actually been  looking for very long and I need to keep a positive attitude, I just kind of crumbled last week. I don’t want to sit at home with nothing to do each day. I want to be busy and be around people and earn a paycheck and WORK! But it seems right now the only thing I have to work on is my patience. And my cover letter.

 I tried to blog several times last week about it, but everything I wrote ended up sounding so pathetic. I guess because I spent all of last week being pathetic. So instead of writing about every tear shed let’s just say last week involved a 48 hour period during which I didn’t leave the house, 1 entire caramel apple cake, and two nights crying myself to sleep while Josh rubbed my back.

Even though I lack a positive attitude at times, I do not lack an ability to discuss my feelings…at length. This came in handy last week, when I was finally so sick of myself that I decided to call someone for advice. I ended up calling lots of someones- my dad, my mother-in-law, Brittny, and my mom. And they all did their part to pick me back up.

Dad gave me rational advice, talking to me for almost an hour about where to look, who to speak with, and how to approach my search.

 My mother-in-law offered to take two days off of work to come down to Atlanta and take me shopping.

Brittny did what she does best- she listened.

And my mom said things only a mom can say, things about how I have a light that shines and how much she loves me, and then she gossiped with me about reality TV and celebrities until I felt much better.

And I did. I felt much better.

Now it’s back to the grind of applications and cover letters and references. But I’ve got my team on speed dial if I start to get down.